“Motherhood takes you to heaven and hell every day. It erases your past and amplifies it at the same time. It destroys and rebuilds you, slowly and carefully: replacing the cracked, broken bricks with stronger ones with no anesthesia.
Motherhood kills the old you; it doesn’t care who you think you are, only who you must be in this moment to meet the needs of the ones you invited into this world.
And somehow, by feeding that child, loving that child, wiping that child’s tears from their damp cheeks, pouring water over that child’s head as you sit beside them, uncomfortable and damp next to the bathtub, you become the gentlest of warriors.
Motherhood is a bridge that you walk alone, but as you look to your left and to your right, you see others on their own bridges, navigating the rickety planks of swaying wood. And as you see them struggling just like you are not to fall, it gives you the courage to take one more step.
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Motherhood is painfully lonely, but at 3 o’clock in the afternoon whether you’re sitting on the living room floor with a child who doesn’t know your real name or at 3 o’clock in the morning with a child who needs your steady tapping on their pajama-ed back, you’re not alone because all over the world, mothers are doing the same thing. Their minds wander through the garden of their imaginations and memories, dreaming of sleep and rest, but powered by the fiercest of love.
The love that one pours into their child doesn’t come from the heart. Anyone can be in love. Anyone can be infatuated. The type of love one has for their child comes from the center of their bones. It’s the type of love that doesn’t need reciprocation to burn hot. It’s the type of love that never keeps score. It’s the type of love that powers nature in her infinite beauty and ruthlessness.
When a mother says, “I love you,” she doesn’t mean “I love how you make me feel” she means “You are my world, my sun and my moon and not life or death can change that, wherever you are I will find you whether it be across seas or lost within yourself. You are my breath and the light inside my eyes.”
Motherhood, while almost never glamorous, is always beautiful.”
—Bunmi Laditan
We have loved becoming “beach people” since moving to Tampa. We go almost every single weekend. When Merit said he wanted a Daniel Tiger party, it was the perfect opportunity to combine it with the shore. Any parents of Daniel-loving children know that the Tiger family lives on Jungle Beach! 🙂 It was also great because I am not in love with our rental house, and the yard has no shade, and it’s JULY, and basically, it would’ve been hard to host something here. If you saw my last post, you know we fell in love with Fort de Soto while we were camping, and it was the perfect spot. Spacious pavilions, a playground, nice facilities, and a great beach. So that’s where we were on Sunday!
I tried to balance my usual level of party-planning with the fact that we were going to have to bring all of the stuff with us to the pavilion. I know this is probably going to be the first birthday party that Merit really remembers, so I wanted everything to be perfect. He was SO excited, asking probably every day for about 6 weeks if it was his “party day.” And he LOVED it! We had Tigey the Adventure Tiger hats and binoculars to decorate, Trolley made from a red tri-fold board, and Daniel and all of his friends made from Chinese lanterns (no balloons allowed at the park). We had beach-themed gifts for all of his little friends to play with, and we gave away Daniel coloring books and these cute little watches just like Daniel Tiger’s that I managed to find online. The best part is that we have FANTASTIC friends who travelled to come celebrate with us, which meant the world to me because we don’t have very many friends in Tampa yet. We have met a few people here who are equally as wonderful, though, and came to the party despite not knowing anyone else. Thanks so much to everyone who helped us celebrate!
Happy Birthday, Merit! I am sure I will continue to be amazed by my sweet, kind, silly, thoughtful boy. I can’t believe you are three.
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FINALLY getting around to blogging these camping photos! : ) We are under contract on a house, which is super exciting, but has just left us feeling a little unsettled and getting ready for yet another move. I am actually relieved, though, because I would rather get settled in our permanent home sooner than later, even if it means moving twice in three months! Keep your fingers crossed for us.
In the meantime, I hope you enjoy reading about our camping adventure at Fort de Soto. There were a few mishaps ; ) but it was totally worth it, and so, so fun. To start, since we had never camped with kids and weren’t sure how things would go, we thought about postponing the trip for a day because the weather was supposed to be bad that first night. We were watching it all morning, and when it was time for us to leave, it actually looked okay. We figured we’d have enough time to get the tent up, and as long as we could do that, we didn’t mind the rain. But it actually ended up being pretty severe storms (thanks, weatherman), and even though we got our tent up, we didn’t stay. I’m not gonna lie, I was a total wimp, and it was a little scary. Our neighbors even invited us over to stay in their camper, which makes me think I wasn’t totally crazy. If it had just been me and Travis, I am sure we would’ve stayed put, but you know — you make different decisions when you have the lives of your most favorite people in the whole world in your hands. I kept trying to google things like “how likely are you to get struck by lightning in a tent”, and I was not getting results that reassured me. So, we packed up the items we needed and stayed our first night in a little hotel. The kids thought it was just as much of an adventure, so it all worked out.
But seriously, look at that sky. It’s not just me, right? We started the next day super early and returned to our campsite to cook breakfast. As you can see, the campsites back up to water, but you are also just a mile away from a beach, which is where we headed after we ate. It was the perfect way to keep the kids entertained and wear them out during the day. To top it off, this was Eliot’s first trip to the beach, and clearly, he loved it! The camp area has a playground as well, which we visited later in the day. We were so happy with the kid-friendliness of this whole trip!
Our third day was super fun, too. We hit the beach again, played baseball, visited the camp store for a few items that we had used up, and toasted marshmallows. We also ended up eating breakfast at a nearby diner. If you are local to Tampa, you probably know about these awful little bugs called “noseeums” (get it? no – see – thems?). Once they started biting, Travis remembered them from his childhood on the west coast with his grandparents. Apparently, some people claim that Avon’s skin-so-soft works against them, but our regular bug spray was not exactly effective. The boys were really unhappy, so we decided to head to the beach and grab some food on the way.
We had bought some “no nooseeums” stuff at the camp store, but it didn’t work that great either. So, on our last day, Travis braved the bugs and cooked breakfast while the boys and I hung out and ate in the tent. We hit the beach one more time on our last morning, and we found one of those awesome old binocular things on the pier. So fun! I couldn’t believe it was still there and still worked.
Thanks for reading/browsing the longest blog post ever. The trip was too much fun for me to choose fewer photos. I can’t wait to make a book of these. And to go back, of course! Merit has already been asking, but I think we’ll wait until noseeum season (and this crazy heat) is over.
you guys, I googled “what are people called who live in Tampa?” and the only thing that came up was “Tampanians”. I’m not sure how I feel about that, so as you can see, I just left it out of my title. But the important thing is — we made it! Here we are, pretty much unpacked except for the stuff that we probably won’t need until we find a permanent home. There is a big stack of boxes in the spare room all labeled “decorative”. I am kind of sad to still be looking at blank walls, but we’ll get there. I’m glad we made this step, and now that all of the undesirable tasks are (mostly) out of the way, I’m ready to work on making Tampa our new home.
I haven’t had a ton of time for my photography with this big change (surprise surprise), and I’ve been trying to take advantage of the few weeks Travis has had off until he starts his new job. But I’d really like to get caught up on posting my Project 52 and First Home photos. I also took an amazing photography workshop right smack in the middle of our move, and I’m so excited to get back to it after all I took in. More soon. <3
Funny thing. In the blur of the move, and trying to document it but not forget anything, and keep everyone feeling like their world wasn’t falling apart, I didn’t even really know I took this last photo. Total perfection.
No need to tell you that I have let my Project 52 slide. There are a lot of reasons, but the major one, as I’m sure you can guess, is our upcoming move to Tampa. We’ll be renting for a little while, which bums me out because we have rented for SO long. Travis is super handy and we were itching to own a place for as long back as I can remember. We finally bought a beautiful, historic home here in Gainesville (read: dream home!), and now we have to move. The process of showing it and selling it was a whirlwind and happened so quickly — only now that we’re packing it up do I feel like I am able to start mourning our loss. I know that as long as I have my boys, I will feel at home wherever we are. But I am so looking forward to building a home that the boys can love and remember. Don’t you remember special little details about your childhood home? For me, it was the little half-size closet in my room leading to our attic, the row of tall pines that bordered our backyard, and a sign my mom had that read “A messy home means a loving mom.”
We will get there. I know we will. There are a ton of gorgeous, historic homes in several different Tampa neighborhoods, so I am beginning to get excited about our prospects. Nonetheless, I felt like I needed a tribute to this house. The first one we bought, where we brought Eliot home, and where we became a family of four. A little personal project has developed out of this need of mine, and I’m going to call it “First Home.” I’ll be blogging it and posting it all in the not-too-distant future (let’s be honest, though — after the move). But for the time being, it has kind of taken over my Project 52. I’ll still continue weekly photos and posts, but the themes were not my thing. Here’s what I have from our First Home, for Weeks 12, 13, and 14.
Week 12:
Week 13: (it’s been posted here already, but is worth re-posting and will be part of “First Home”)
Week 14:
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